Sharpay, the Blonde
by BlackBeauty613
Summary: My collection of blonde jokes that I found on the internet. Some are stupid, some are really funny. Read, review, and laugh! Rated T for language and mention of SC.
1. To Warm You Up

Sharpay hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide." Sharpay replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No, Silly!" Sharpay said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"And then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"And then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

* * *

Gabriella, a brunette, Taylor, also a brunette, and Sharpay, a blonde, were hanging out until some dudes came and kidnapped them.

They took Gabriella, pointed a gun at her and said "Ready, aim-"

Gabriella screamed "FLOOD!"

The guys looked around to see if there was any water around and Gabriella escaped.

They grabbed Taylor, pointed the gun at her and said "Ready, aim-"

Taylor screamed "DUST STORM!"

The guys looked around to see if there was any dust and she escaped.

They finally grabbed Sharpay, pointed the gun to her and said "Ready, aim-"

Suddenly, Sharpay screamed "FIRE!"

And they shot her.

* * *

Sharpay Evans was so stupid that...

-she called me to get my phone number.

-she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

-she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

-she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

-she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

-she tried to drown a fish.

-she thought a quarterback was a refund.

-she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

-she tripped over a cordless phone.

-she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

-she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

-she studied for a blood test.

-she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

-when she heard that 90 of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

-when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

-when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

* * *

A police officer stops Sharpay Evans for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

* * *

Sharpay Evans and Ryan Evans were robbing a hotel. Sharpay said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

Ryan said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"

Sharpay screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

* * *

Q: Why are there no ice cubes in Sharpay Evans' s freezer?

A: She forgot the recipe.

* * *

NEW INVENTIONS BY SHARPAY EVANS

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap

* * *

Sharpay Evans and Ryan Evans were in the woods hunting. Sharpay looked at Ryan and said, "I've got to take a crap."

Ryan said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."

Sharpay said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."

Ryan replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

Sharpay said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"

She left and came back with crap all over her hands and clothes.

Ryan looked at her and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

Sharpay replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

* * *

How does Sharpay Evans have safe sex?

She locks the car door.

* * *

**Ok, I was really bored when I made this story so, there you go. REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thnx**

** Rachel**


	2. Not All Blondes Are Dumb

Sharpay Evans and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.

Sharpay, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches Sharpay's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Sharpay doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn.

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends Emails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

Sharpay says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes Sharpay and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, Sharpay reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought all blondes were dumb...

* * *

**So, not ALL blondes are dumb! lol! Send in some suggestions if you have any. It doesn't matter if they're for or against blondes. REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thnx! **

** Rachel**


	3. More Jokes

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches Sharpay Evans, the driver.

"Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

Sharpay replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

* * *

A blonde girl has just gotten fired. Her boss has always called her a dumb blonde. 

She is driving down the road when she sees a blonde girl in the middle of a wheat field rowing a canoe.

She pulls over, gets on the roof of her truck, and screams, "IT'S BLONDES LIKE YOU WHO GIVE BLONDES LIKE US A BAD NAME! BUT IF I WAS'NT SCARED OF WATER I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!"

* * *

Sharpay Evans decides one day that she is sick and tired of all  
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,  
so she decides to show her boyfriend that blondes really are  
smart. While her boyfriend is off at work, she decides that she is  
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. 

The next day, right after her boyfriend leaves for work, she gets  
down to the task at hand. Her boyfriend arrives home at 5:30 and  
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living  
room and finds his girlfriend lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.  
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at  
the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks  
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him  
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by  
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket  
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the  
directions on the paint can and they said...

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

* * *

Q: How do you keep Sharpay Evans busy for hours? 

A: Scroll down...

Scroll up...

* * *

There are two friends; Sharpay and Gabriella. Sharpay is a blonde and Gabriella is a brunette. They go into a bar one day, and they see an Indian walk in. The bartender says to them, "I'd give anyone $100,000 if they could bring me an Indian's head. Those Indians killed my children, they killed my wife, and they destroyed my home." So, Sharpay and Gabriella decide to go out, find an Indian, and chop off its head to bring to the bartender. The two friends go out looking, and find an Indian. Gabriella throws a rock and hits the Indian in the head, and it falls unconscious down into a canyon. Sharpay and Gabriella go down into the canyon to cut off the Indian's head when Gabriella taps Sharpay's shoulder and says with a horrified expression, "Sharpay, look." Sharpay turns around, and sees Indians surrounding them at the top of the canyon. Then she shouts, "Yes!! We're going to be millionaires!"

* * *

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of  
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of  
the plane.

The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she  
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane.

Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it  
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane.

Then they landed and decided to go for a walk.

They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,  
why are you crying?"

And the little girl said, "An apple came down and killed my new kitty".

Next they passed a little boy who was also crying.

And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?"

And the little boy said, "A lemon came down  
and killed my new puppy."

Then they passed Sharpay Evans sitting on  
the side walk laughing her butt off.

They asked, "Why are you laughing so hard?"

And Sharpay said, "I farted and the  
building behind me blew up!!"

* * *

One day Sharpay Evans walked into the doctor's office with 2 red ears. 

The doctor asked what happened.

She said "I was ironing and the phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake.

"What happened to the other ear?" the doctor asked.

"They called back."

* * *

A blonde named Sharpay had a near death experience the other day  
when she went horseback riding. 

Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control.

She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup.

When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head  
continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even  
slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplugged it.

* * *

Sharpay Evans is sitting on a park bench and she is crying. 

Troy Bolton walks up to her and asked "What's wrong?"

She said "Terrible news,"

He said "What is it?"

"My mother died but that's not the worst news."

He asked "What is the worst news?"

She said "I called my brother and he said his mother died to."

* * *

**Haha! I found these on the internet. I made none of them up. And I just HAD to put Troy in there! lol! So, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thnx!**

**Rachel**


	4. Homemade Jokes

**Ok people. These are jokes that I either made up, got from TV shows, or got from my brother. Enjoy:)**

* * *

F Average:

One day, Ryan Evans decided to prove to one of his friends, Troy Bolton, how stupid his sister Sharpay was.

Ryan walked over to his sister and asked "Gee Sharpay, it must be hard to maintain your F average."

Sharpay grinned and said "Well, it's not easy, let me tell you that! I mean, I only get one question right on a… oh what's it called? Pop quiz! I mean, the teacher doesn't even tell the class that we're having a test? And they call me stupid!"

Pi Formula:

Sharpay sat at her desk trying to do her math homework. She was almost finished when she came to the last question.

Use any source to figure out the formula for Pi.

Sharpay spent 10 minutes trying to figure it out before calling to her mother "Mom? Do you have the recipe for that apple pie?

Broom Smarter Than Sharpay:

Mr. and Mrs. Evans were at a parent/teacher conference for their daughter Sharpay. Ms. Darbus gave them a sympathetic look when they entered her classroom.

She said "I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Evans, but it seems that we have to place your daughter in Special Education."

Mr. and Mrs. Evans were devastated. Mrs. Evans cried "What?! What happened?"

Ms. Darbus replied "Well, we got her scores back for her mid terms. We gave the test to a broom and it scored higher than her."

Chocolate Pickles:

One day, Sharpay wanted to see what chocolate pickles tasted like. She tried one and loved it.

She was down to the last pickle in the jar but saw that she was out of chocolate. She was confused because she thought that she bought a jumbo pack of chocolate. She finally decided that her dog, Pinkie, stole it.

Since it was only her and her brother Ryan home, she called "Ryan, I'll be right back! I need to get the chocolate that Pinkie stole! It's out by her doghouse!"

Ryan smirked evilly to himself. He looked down at the chocolate in his hand and whispered "Ah, the things I'll do for a laugh."

Short Story:

Sharpay and one of her friends, Gabriella Montez, were working on their short stories for English class due the next day. Gabriella finally finished with hers and asked "Finally, done! Hey Shar, you want to hear it?"

Sharpay rolled her eyes and said sarcastically "Yeah sure! And then I'll go to the park and watch grass die!"

Gabriella didn't catch the sarcasm and exclaimed "OK, here it is!"

Sharpay rolled her eyes and pounded her head on the table twice.

Gabriella ignored her and read:

"**I believe in you **

**I'll give up everything just to find you **

**I have to be with you **

**To live **

**To breath **

**You're taking over me**.

What do you think Sharpay?"

Sharpay raised and eyebrow and said "Uhhh… sure."

Again, Gabriella didn't notice the sarcasm and squealed "Thanks! Ok, let's hear yours!"

Sharpay smiled and said "Ok here it is!

**My name is Sharpay**

**And I am rich**

Well?"

Gabriella stared at her blankly and said "And?"

Sharpay looked up from her laptop and replied "That's it!"

Gabriella dropped her shoulders and asked "That's all you wrote?! Your name and that you're rich?!"

Sharpay sighed and said "Hello? SHORT story! Duh!"

Broken Statue "Fixed":

Sharpay Evans was walking around her grandmother's hotel looking for something to do. She finally spotted a porcelain statue. She shrugged and walked over to it. She saw that it was very shiny and smooth so she decided to touch it. Without reading the sign above the head, she reached out and touched the finger. As soon as she did, it snapped off. She started to panic as she picked up the finger and tried to think of a plan.

She then heard her grandmother walking down the hall and say "Sharpay? Are you here?"

She finally licked her finger and wiped it on the statue's finger. She then shoved it onto the hand. As soon as the finger touched the hand, it shattered. Sharpay froze out of panic. Suddenly, she heard her grandmother exclaim "Sharpay! What happened here?"

Sharpay gulped and replied "Uhhh… mice?"

Her grandmother glared at her and said "You obviously didn't read the sign."

"Oh please! Of course I read the sign!"

Her grandmother said "Then you wouldn't mind reading it again."

Sharpay turned to the sign and read:

"**Evans Inn. Your mice-free hotel."**

Rapping Queen:

Sharpay Evans's theatre work finally paid off. She was invited to England to perform a play for the queen. She got there and changed into her costume. As she walked out, she saw the queen taste something. She spit it out and yelled "This is awful! Completely ludacris!"

Sharpay walked over to her and said "Oh, so you like rap music?"

Putting out a fire:

Sharpay and Gabriella were doing homework together when the candle beside Gabriella's notebook fell on it and quickly caught fire. Gabriella screamed and shouted "What do we do?!"

Sharpay thought for a second and then said "I have an idea! Put the notebook on the floor."

Gabriella did as she was told and said "So? Hurry up before the floor catches fire!"

Sharpay nodded and started to undo the belt on her jeans. Gabriella realized what she was doing and slapped her. Sharpay fell back and screamed "What the hell was that for?!"

Gabriella glared at her with her hands on her hips and said "What are YOU doing?!"

Sharpay shrugged and replied "I gotta pee and your notebook needs de-flamed! God! And you call ME stupid!"

Camera Flash:

Troy Bolton, Chad Danforth, and Zeke Baylor were hanging out when they decided to take a group picture. Troy took out his camera and looked around for someone to take the picture for them. He finally spotted another one of his friends, Sharpay Evans. Troy walked over to her and asked "Hey Sharpay! Can you take a picture of me and the guys?"

Sharpay nodded and took the camera in her hands. They walked back over to Troy's friends. The guys then posed like idiots.

Sharpay slowly shook her head and rolled her eyes. She then got the camera ready. Just before she was about to take the picture, Troy brought up "Oh Sharpay wait! You forgot to-"

Sharpay turned the camera to her face and said "Forgot to what?"

She pressed a button was about to say "Nothing's wrong.", but was cut off by a bright flash in her eyes. She dropped the camera and screamed with her hands over her eyes. Troy rolled his eyes and said "-turn the flash on. Next time, turn the camera to _us_ before pressing the capture button."

1, 2, 3, OUCH!!!:

Sharpay and Ryan were feeling kiddish and decided to play a game they made up. Someone would open the door while the other would run out, jump over the couch, dodge the obsicles, and ride around the house on their bike. Whoever did it the fastest won. Ryan wanted to go first, so Sharpay was the one who opened the door for him. She was supposed to open it when Ryan got to 3.

Ryan said "Ok, 1…2…3!" He started for the door but the next thing he knew he felt his head throb and he was looking up at the ceiling. He snapped "What the hell?! You were supposed to open the freaking' door!"

Sharpay cocked her head and said "What happened to go?"

Ryan gave her a stupid look and said "What?!"

Sharpay rolled her eyes and said "Well, usually when someone says 123, there's a go at the end! Duh!"

Boiling Water:

Sharpay was helping her boyfriend, Zeke, with their dinner date. Zeke was chopping carrots while Sharpay was making soup. She looked at the pot in confusion and asked "Zeke? How do I know if the water is boiling?"

Zeke smiled and rolled his eyes. He joked "When you stick your finger in the pot and yell ow!"

He turned back to the carrots and continued. He was about to chop the last carrot when he heard a blood curtailing scream. He spun around to see Sharpay jumping up and down sucking on her finger with tears running down her face. He ran over to her and stroked her hair saying "What happened?!"

Sharpay took deep, shaky breaths and said "I didn't know if the water was boiling so I did what you said. I stuck my finger in the pot and yelled ow!"

* * *

**Ok, so these aren't the best in the world but I wanted to get a new chapter up! Don't kill me if they're not funny! Lol! Seriously, what do you think? Gabriella's short story was the chorus to "Taking Over Me" by Evanescence. REVIEW please! Thnx:)**

**Rachel**

**P.S: If you have any blonde jokes that weren't already used, send them in! Thnx:) **


	5. Leave It to the Pros

Ok once there was a magical mirror and if you lied in front of it you'd disappear from existence. There was Gabriella, a brunette, Kelsi, also a brunette, and Sharpay, a blonde.

Gabriella went up to it and said," I think that Sharpay is nice"

Poof! She disappeared.

Kelsi went up to it and said, "I'm a virgin"

Poof! She disappeared.

Sharpay went up to it and said "I think-"

Poof! She was gone.

----

Q: How do you kill Sharpay?

A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

----

Q: What's the difference between an iron board and Sharpay?

A: The legs of an iron are hard to open.

----

Sharpay died and went to heaven. When she got to the pearly gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.

Sharpay thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"

"That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked Saint Peter.

Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

----

Q: Did you hear about how Sharpay tried to blow up her boyfriend Zeke's car?

A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

----

Q: Why did the blond get so excited after he finished the jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

A: Because on the box, it said "From 2-4 years."

----

Sharpay tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Gabriella, a brunette she worked with at a salon.

Gabriella told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Sharpay "If I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said Gabriella. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Gabriella asked Sharpay "Did you sell your car?"

"No," answered Sharpay "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

----

Three blondes, Sharpay, Ryan, and their mother, were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.

A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied Sharpay.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses."

"But officer," replied the Ryan "We aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.

"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.

"What a dumb cop," the Ryan said to the other two, "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

----

Three blondes, Sharpay, Ryan, and another friend walked into a bar. The bartender asked the friend what she wanted. She replied "I'll have a bl."

He thought a moment and then asked her "What's a bl?"

She replied, "Well, duh, a bl is a Bud Lite."

He turned to the second one and asked what she wanted. He replied "Make mine an ml."

He though "Ok, if a bl is Bud Lite, then ml could be Michelob or something." and said, "OK, what's an ml?"

He replied, "Well, duh, it's a Miller Lite."

He then turned to Sharpay and asked her what she wanted.

She replied "I'll have a 15."

He said, "Ok, bl is Bud Lite, and ml is Miller Lite, but I have never heard of a 15. What is it?"

She said "Well, duh, it's a 7-7."

----

Sharpay goes into an appliance store looking for a TV. After a few minutes, she picks one out and approaches the salesman.

"I want to buy this television," she says.

The salesman replies, "Sorry, we don't serve blondes here."

She gets mad, leaves and goes home. She dyes her hair brown and returns to the store.

"I want to buy this television." she says to the salesman, getting the same response; "Sorry miss, we don't serve blondes here."

She leaves again, frustrated. She goes home and dyes her hair purple.

Upon returning to the store, she once again approaches the salesman. "Sir, I would like to purchase this television, and I don't want any problems."

To which the salesman replies, "Sorry Miss, we don't serve blondes."

Fed up with this, she cries, "How can you tell that I'm blonde?! I have dyed my hair brown and even purple! What the hell?!"

To which the salesman replied, "Well, Miss, I would serve you if you could tell that that TV is a microwave."

----

A now blind Sharpay sat on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Miss. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

Sharpay says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

----

Sharpay, a blonde and Gabriella, a brunette are skydiving. Gabriella jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

Sharpay finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

----

Sharpay and her mother were talking, when she asked, "Mom, is it true that babies comes from the same place where boys stick their thingies?"

"Yes, dear, it's true," her mother replied.

"But then, when I have a baby, won't my teeth get knocked out?" asked Sharpay.

----

Sharpay calls her mother in tears. She sobbed "Zeke doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"

"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."

"No mother," Sharpay laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."

"Well, that is being miserly," her mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."

"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."

"Airplane ticket... what did you need an airplane ticket for?"

"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."

* * *

**lol! I love doing this! I always get a laugh! Ok, this is another present for surviving the first day of school! If you had a bad first day, hopefully you feel better now! After all, I aim to please! lol! So, REVIEW!!!**

**Rachel :)**


	6. BREAK OUT THE BARF BAGS! IT'S SEX!

One day, Sharpay buys two horses but she can't tell them apart so she calls up her friend Gabriella and says "I got these two horses but I can't tell them apart. What should I do?"

Gabriella says "Try tying a ribbon in one of your horse's tails."

The next day, Sharpay calls back and says "It didn't work. The ribbon came out. What now?"

Gabriella says "Try spray painting one of your horse's manes."

Sharpay calls back the next day and says "The spray paint washed out."

So Gabriella says "I'm all out of ideas."

The next day, Sharpay calls back and says "I just figured out that the white horse is ten inches taller than the black horse!"

----

Sharpay wanted to buy her boyfriend, Zeke, this REALLY nice gift for Valentine's Day. So she decided to go around the neighborhood, asking them if they had anything that they would want her to do and she would do it. So the first house she went to was the Bolton's. She rang their doorbell and said "Hello Troy! Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you needed any chores being done, and I would be more the happy to do them for you. You see, I am trying to raise money for-"

"Enough said" said Troy. It would be great if you would paint my porch! There is paint in the garage!"

Gabriella, his girlfriend, then said to her boyfriend "Do you think she knows that the porch goes all around the house? I mean, that may be a lot of paint.

"Well sure! She was standing on the porch anyway!" said Troy. "It might take a while, but I am sure we have enough paint!"

In only 20 minutes she came back and said "I'm finished!! And there is paint left over."

Troy said, "Did you paint the whole porch?"

"Yeah. And by the way... that's a Porsche, not a porch."

----

Sharpay's car breaks down on the Interstate, so she eases over onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, Troy and Chad, who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says Sharpay calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" screams the cop.

"These are my emergency flashers!" replied Sharpay.

----

Gabriella, a brunette, Kelsi, a redhead, and Sharpay, a blonde, all work in the same office with the same female boss. Everyday, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know? Gabriella was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. Kelsi was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date. Sharpay was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her boyfriend, Zeke, in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, during their coffee break, Gabriella and Kelsi mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.

"NO WAY," she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

----

80,000 blondes meet at the Wembley Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention."

The compeer says "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

Sharpay steps up. The compeer says to her "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says "Eighteen."

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

The compeer says "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you here and the world wide press, I guess we can give her another chance." So he says "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says "Ninety?"

The compeer sighs - everyone is crestfallen and the blonde starts crying. 80,000 girls start yelling "Give her another chance, give her another chance." The compeer, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says "OK! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes and after a whole minute eventually says "Four." Around the stadium 80,000 girls start yelling "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

----

Two blondes, Ryan and Sharpay, were walking down the street. Ryan noticed a compact lying on the ground. He picks it up, looks into the mirror, and says to Sharpay "Wow, this person really looks familiar"

Sharpay takes the compact, looks into it and says "You dummy! That's me."

----

Zeke took Sharpay out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a "lovers point" where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her "Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answered.

Ok, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet.

Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answers again.

Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now.

"Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.

"NO!" she answers yet again.

Frustrated, he demands "Well, why not!"

"Because I want to stay up here with you!"

----

Sharpay gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she says.

"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the man. She rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, her 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Uncle Jennifer's hiding in your closet and she's got no clothes on!"

Sharpay slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past her screaming husband, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bitch!" says Sharpay, "My husband's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

----

Sharpay was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. So Sharpay went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tail pipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened. Her roommate, also a blonde, came home and asked "What are you doing?" Sharpay told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow in the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said "Duh! Hello...You need to roll up the windows first!"

----

Sharpay went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man, Zeke, told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother overseas!"

Zeke arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.

With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did. He then said, "Get on your knees" She did. Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did. He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. Zeke closed his eyes and whispered, "Well...go ahead!" Sharpay slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO... MOM???"

* * *

**Allllllrighty then! Kind of a sexual chapter. That last one had puke in my throat! lol! seriously... REVIEW!!!**

**Rachel :)**


	7. Q&A

Q: Why can't Sharpay dial 911?  
A: She can't find the eleven

----

Q: Why does Sharpay like cars with adjustable steering wheels?  
A: Because she likes more head room.

----

Sharpay reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

----

Sharpay was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?!"

Sharpay turns around and says "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

----

While doing homework, Sharpay asked her best friend Gabriella "What time is it right now?"

Gabriella replied in a bored tone "its 9:25."

With a confused look, Sharpay said "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

----

Sharpay was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.

So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.

Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.

The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said Sharpay in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.

She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

Sharpay thought it was only fair to let him try.

"You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

----

Sharpay, a blonde, Gabriella, a brunette, Ashley Tisdale, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.

The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.

The pilot took one and jumped, then Ashley Tisdale took one and jumped, and then Sharpay took one and jumped.

The pope Gabriella to take the last one.

Gabriella said "There are still 2 parachutes left! Sharpay took my backpack!"

----

On her way home from a long trip, Sharpay drove past a sign that said:

"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES."

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

----

SHARPAY'S MEDICAL DICTIONARY

**Artery** -- Study of paintings  
**Bacteria** -- Back door of cafeteria  
**Barium** -- What doctors do when treatment fails  
**Bowel** -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U  
**Caesarean section** -- District in Rome  
**Cat scan** -- Searching for kitty  
**Cauterize** -- Made eye contact with her  
**Colic** -- Sheep dog  
**Coma** -- A punctuation mark  
**Congenital** -- Friendly  
**D&C** -- Where Washington is  
**Diarrhea** -- Journal of daily events  
**Dilate** -- To live long  
**Enema** -- Not a friend  
**Fester** -- Quicker  
**Fibula** -- A small lie  
**G.I. Series** -- Soldiers' ball game  
**Grippe** -- Suitcase  
**Hangnail** -- Coathook  
**Impotent** -- Distinguished, well known  
**Intense pain** -- Torture in a teepee  
**Labor pain** -- Got hurt at work  
**Medical staff** -- Doctor's cane  
**Morbid** -- Higher offer  
**Nitrate** -- Cheaper than day rate  
**Node** -- Was aware of  
**Outpatient** -- Person who had fainted  
**Pelvis** -- Cousin of Elvis  
**Post operative** -- Letter carrier  
**Protein** -- Favoring young people  
**Rectum** -- It almost killed him  
**Recovery room** -- Place to do upholstery  
**Rheumatic** -- Amorous  
**Scar** -- Rolled tobacco leaf  
**Secretion** -- Hiding anything  
**Seizure** -- Roman emperor  
**Serology** -- Study of knighthood  
**Tablet** -- Small table  
**Terminal illness** -- Sickness at airport  
**Tibia** -- Country in North Africa  
**Tumor** -- An extra pair  
**Urine** -- Opposite of you're out  
**Varicose** -- Located nearby  
**Vein** – Conceited

----

Sharpay goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!"

The waitress runs over and argues "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!"

Sharpay replies "No. I won a motor home!"

By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes."

Again, Sharpay says "There is no mistake! I won a motor home!"

Sharpay hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads "WIN A BAGEL."

----

Kelsi, a redhead, Gabriella, a brunette, and Sharpay, a blonde, robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and Kelsi says "Meow!" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

When he kicks the second bag, Gabriella says "Woof!" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.

He kicks the third bag, and Sharpay screams "Potato!" to the officer.

----

Sharpay, an overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

Sharpay followed the doctor's advice, and after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question.

"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

----

Sharpay, the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.

Sharpay came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

Sharpay said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"

Sharpay replied, "No, just up to my waist."

----

Sharpay, a blonde and Gabriella, a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.

Then, Sharpay decided to purchase a bull with it. Gabriella agrees, and so she leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.

Finally, Gabriella found the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. Gabriella, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.

The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"

Gabriella accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says "It's $1.00 per word." Gabriella thinks about this and says "Comfortable, write that."

"Comfortable?" the guy questions.

"Yes, you see she reads slowly."

----

Q: Why couldn't Sharpay write the number eleven?  
A: She didn't know what number came first.

Q: What do you call Sharpay with 90 of her intelligence gone?  
A: Divorced.

Q: How did Sharpay try to kill the bird?  
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did Sharpay break her leg raking leaves?  
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did Sharpay die drinking milk?  
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did Sharpay burn her nose?  
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: Why did it take Sharpay seven days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago?  
A: She kept seeing signs that read "stop clean bathroom"

----

Q: Why does Sharpay drive a BMW?  
A: Because she can spell it.

* * *

**Lots of Q&A but whatev. lol! I would've posted this last week, but my keyboard was broken. I spilled soda on it and had to pay for a new one. My bad. lol! Seriously...**

**REVEW!!!**

**Rachel :)**


	8. Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

Q: Why is Sharpay immune to Mad Cow Disease?  
A: It only affects the brain.

----

Sharpay goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her iPod on her head.

"I need to take your iPod off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices Sharpay.

"You can't! I'll die!" Sharpay retorted.

"I can't cut your hair with the iPod on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.

"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"

The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the iPod and throws it off of Sharpay's head. Within seconds, she dies. When the specialist picks up the iPod to listen, she hears it repeating "Breath in, breath out, breath in..."

----

Sharpay and her brother, Ryan, were forgot the keys in their car. Ryan grabbed a coat hanger and tried to open it, but with no success. He wailed "I can't get this door unlocked!"

Sharpay ordered "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! It's starting to rain, and the top is down!"

----

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.

The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"

In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"

The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.

In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.

The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

----

A policeman pulled Sharpay over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. He asked "Miss, do you know where you were going?"

Sharpay replied worriedly "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving."

----

Sharpay, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold her for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying...

_I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. _

_Signed, _

_A Blonde._

Sharpay then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent her home to show it to her parents. The next morning, Sharpay checked and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. She looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

----

Sharpay got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" Sharpay asked.

So the man coolly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."

----

Sharpay was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead! Ask me any of the capitals! I know all of them!"

Her best brunette friend, Gabriella, asked "Ok, what's the capital of Wyoming?"

Sharpay replied, "Oh, that's easy! W."

----

Two blonde girls, Sharpay and a friend, were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.

So Sharpay "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it. Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" Sharpay wiped her forehead and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-girl team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."

----

Q: How did Sharpay get paper view?

A: She taped an open notebook to the TV

* * *

**Personally, I think that this is really boring. But maybe that's just because I'm tired. lol! REVIEW!!! Thnx :)**

**Rachel :)**


	9. Thanksgiving Gone Bad

**WARNING**

**VERY EXPLIT**

**HEAVY STRONG LAUGUAGE**

**(but still hillarious)**

* * *

5 year old Sharpay just came home from school and heard her parents arguing. Before the fight ended, she heard two words that she never heard before. The next day she asked her mother "Mommy, I heard you call daddy a bastard yesterday. What's a bastard?"

Her mother, shocked, answered "Uh... honey. A bastard is a gentleman."

Later, she asked her father "Daddy, I heard you call mommy a bitch yesterday. What's a bitch?"

Her father, frozen, replied "Well sweetie. A bitch is a lady."

Time went on and soon enough, it was Thanksgiving. While she was helping her mother with the turkey, Sharpay's mother cut herself with a knife and cried "Fuck!!!"

Sharpay, curious, asked "Mommy, what's fuck mean?"

Her mother, alarmed, answered "Well... Shar. Fuck means cutting."

Later that day, Sharpay was taking a shower while her father was shaving. Dropping some shaving cream on the carpet, he shouted "Screw you!!!" and started cleaning it up.

Sharpay, confused, called "Daddy, what's screw you mean?"

Mr. Evans, stuck on what to reply to his daughter, answered back "Sweetie, screw you means cleaning."

At 6:00, family started coming over and Sharpay was assigned to greet them. She stood at the door and announced...

"Hello bitches and bastards! Please wait momentarily while my father finishes screwing the bathroom and my mom stops fucking the turkey!"

* * *

**Haha! This is something that I found on Myspace a while back, but it still makes me laugh my ass off! REVIEW!!! Thnx :)**

**Rachel :)**


	10. The End of the Road

Q: Why does Sharpay have TGIF written on her shoes?  
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART blondes and monsters have in common?  
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why does Sharpay always smile during lightning storms?  
A: She thinks that her picture is being taken.

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?  
A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around.

----

Sharpay, a blonde cop, stops a blonde riding a motorcycle and asks for her driving license.

The motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to Sharpay "I must have left it at home officer."

Sharpay says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to Sharpay, "All I have is this picture of myself."

Sharpay says "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to Sharpay who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

----

Sharpay Evans was walking her dogs when Troy, walking in the opposite direction says "Sharpay, your dogs look so amazing. What are their names?"

Sharpay replies "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex."

Troy responds "Wow. That's unusual. Why did you name them Timex and Rolex?"

She sighs and shakes her head "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing! What else can you name your watch dogs?"

----

Sharpay stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by what she had heard the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the  
aggravated blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So you must be the person who took our  
phone book."

----

Jack Bolton was in his front yard mowing grass when one of his students, Sharpay Evens, came out of the next-door house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As Jack was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by his student's actions he asked her, "Is something wrong?"

Then she replied to his surprise by saying, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying 'You've got mail'!"

----

A plane is on its way to Detroit when Sharpay in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs her that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

Sharpay replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit, and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing her to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit, and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

----

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little piece of shit on your knee."

----

This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps Sharpay, a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who led him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign

"If I catch you, you're mine."

----

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

----

Q: What did the blonde call her pet zebra?  
A: Spot

----

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?  
A: Pregnant.

* * *

**lol! For now, that's the end. Thnx for all the reviews, faves, and alerts! You guys rock :)**

**Rachel :)**


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